14.8.15

Is It Really Just About Pleasing Everyone Else?

I mean, I always expected to have to put the baby before myself, that goes without saying. But having to put every single person ever before myself, that I didn't expect, yet that is how I currently feel.

new family, mother, father & newborn baby girl


I feel like I am constantly being harassed with comments along the lines of 'you never come to see us', sorry, I stupidly assumed that if people wanted to see us they would come and see us, why do I have to make the effort to go and see everyone to keep them happy?

The weekend arrives, I naively thought that we would spend our weekends doing family things, just the three of us, visiting zoos and aquariums, going for walks and picnics. But no, everyone else is also off work at the weekend so everyone else expects me to put my life on hold so that they can see us. 

Maybe I'm being ungrateful. I should appreciate and enjoy the fact that people want to see my daughter. I've not had much sleep lately and currently have a very grizzly baby so am probably overreacting. The point is that I feel as if I'm expected to please everyone, yet no one is expected to please me. 

Spencer's response to this was that I go to Slimming World and then out with my mother, auntie & cousin, and of course Aria, every Wednesday. Should I really be expected to settle for this? One day a week going to a slimming club and eating at the local Wetherspoons. Is this really how exciting my life has become?

Don't get me wrong, Spencer is good and will have Aria so that I can go out, as he should do, he is her dad after all. But going out and getting drunk while Aria is in bed isn't what, I want family days out, just the three of us.

I was looking through old photos of Spencer and I earlier as I'm writing about 'our beginning' for What the Redhead said blog. We used to have so much fun. We used to do so much. Granted, we wouldn't want to do a lot of it now that we are parents, the thought of partying until early hours of the morning sends shivers down my spine. We didn't just party though, we would go to the beach, go for lovely walks, go and visit local attractions, even just spend a day out shopping and stop for food. Why has this all stopped? Because we are too busy pleasing everyone else. 

It is time to stop pleasing everyone else and think about pleasing myself. 


Mummascribbles

12 comments:

  1. hear hear! It is odd, and often sad how the dynamics of family and friendships change when a baby is added to the mix. But YOU and YOUR FAMILY are the most important, so do exactly what you've said and put yourselves first!

    Lauren x

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  2. I found this quite hard at times too. What we do is block in weekends in the diary that are for family time or even quiet time and that we won't go and see everyone else. They are blocked out and it does help xx

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  3. This post speaks to me! With a three week old little lady we have just been a whirlwind of visitors and I feel like I am constantly trying to please everyone - squeezing then in at the detriment to myself and my little family of three. I'm hoping as time goes on it will calm down but now I'm not so sure!
    It's comforting to know I'm not the only one that feels this way though. Xx

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  4. You're not being selfish at all. I completely get you! We have a 5 week old baby now and I know there are certain people who haven't seen her because we've not been to see them. Well sorry I'm the one who's had a baby and recovering from an operation so they should make the effort to come here. I mean travelling with a baby is not the easiest! Honestly lovely don't let it get you down. You spend time with the people that matter, those people who made time for you during these early days.

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  5. It's so hard trying to please every one isn't it. I used to feel the same but now I just tell people they know where we are and now they mostly come to us.
    #MummyMondays

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  6. Ah I totally understand! I've realised that my little family comes first and when you think about it, theres always going to be someone you can't please! Dont' let it get to you, just do your thing xx #mummymondays

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  7. Oh no! this is not how you should feel as a new parent at all. I think its time to be selfish. When I was working full time with the two boys my mum would invite me to family things and I would just be honest and say "sorry mum I've not seen the kids all week I'm being selfish and hogging them to myself this weekend" and she would leave me be. Another way I used to balance it would be to arrange to go out somewhere and if people want to spend time with you tell them where you'll be and to give you a call if they are in that area and want to meet up. 9/10 they'll feel included because they were invited but won't take you up on the offer because it's not their cup of tea. If all else fails just switch your phone off and do what you need to do to feel better then say the battery ran out. What's the worst they can do? Hope that helps and I hope you feel better soon x #mummymonday

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  8. Yes! Yes it is. I put dedicated family days in my diary and if people ask me to do something on that day I say I'm busy. Actually I say, 'we're having a family day' because want people to respect that we need time to the three of us. Good luck :) xx #mummymonday

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  9. Focus on yourself and your family. Do what makes YOU happy!! :)

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  10. You do.what is right for you not.pleasing everyone, it's realistic X

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  11. I think is inappropriate to demand attention, so I would say not to think too much about it. If you want to spend the day with your family, do it. These are your precious moments and it's your life. I'm selfish when it comes down do family.

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  12. Im with you on this one. I never get to do anything in the week as all my family and friends are in London whilst I am in Newbury. My other half also insists on playing football on a Saturday which consumes the whole day. Im fed up with him expecting that Jack and I only expect a pleasant family day on a Sun. Lucky us! We are also expected to all the travelling to family which takes the Michael! Anyway, it all blew-up here at the weekend and so Jack and my time comes first for me from now on. Everyone else can whistle. Im glad I read this post, and that im not the only one being taken for granted. Lets hope things improve for us xx

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