22.9.16

From Judging to Judged - Parental Judgement

Judging people, it's human nature really isn't it? Especially when it comes to parents, everyone who is everyone judges parents. I have in the past, even before I was a parent myself which was really silly, I hadn't experienced bringing up children myself so who was I to pass judgement on others?

crying baby sat on bed wearing I'm not tired vest - header image with text over from judging to judged - parental judgement




It's funny how the tables turn. There have been a few instances lately where things have happened to me and I have realised that I have previously judged someone for the exact same thing.

Just the other week I judged someone because it was raining and they had their poor son out in his pushchair with no raincovers. He looked cold and wet. I went into work and commented on how awful that was. A week or two later I absolutely had to go out and was alone with Aria. It was raining but I needed to go out. The raincovers were in Spencer's car, which conveniently was at work with him. I was now the cruel mother taking her daughter out in her pushchair with no raincovers, allowing her to get cold and wet.

Before becoming a parent I would comment on children's behaviour while out and about all too often. Muttering phrases under my breath such as 'control your children' and 'I would never let me child get away with that'. I now know the reality. Sometimes, just sometimes, when you haven't had proper sleep for a week or are feeling down and vulnerable, it is easier to allow your child to run riot, often in the hope that they will get it all out of their system and you can have five minutes peace, just five minutes peace is worth the humiliation and the judgement passed by others at your unruly child. Sometimes because you simply can't muster up the energy to tell them no, and you certainly can't deal with the strop that would follow if you dared to say no.

Spoiling children is another fine example. How many times have you seen a child perform in a shop or cafe because they want something, and then roll your eyes when the parent gives in to the angry tears and stomping feet? Just think before that eye roll, that nervous mother probably doesn't want the humiliation and attention of the breakdown that would follow a refusal. Sometimes, just sometimes when you're feeling down and vulnerable it is easier to just give in.

So please, stop before you judge. You don't know that person's situation. You don't know what they are going through or the circumstances leading up to this particular situation. I urge you all, think before you judge.

4 comments:

  1. I always say the same thing about parental judging. Before I had children, I would see a child with a bruise on their head, and be horrified! I mean, what are they doing to that poor child!? Now I have a child I think "oops, toddling are they" x

    ReplyDelete
  2. Definitely. Or that child that looks like they are having a spoiled strop may actually be autistic and either can't cope with the sensory input from the room, or something has deviated from their expectations. I once promised E a chocolate muffin for being good while a had his hair cut. A fairly rare treat. The coffee shop we go to had never not had muffins before but this time they didn't. He simply can't cope with things unexpected so it didn't matter that there were dozens of cakes to choose from, he was absolutely distraught but he was screaming 'No! Chocolate muffin!" At the top of his voice. He looked like a brat.

    But he had sat so, so quietly to have his hair cut (which he finds very distressing) and had been chatting so happily, so proud he was getting a reward.

    "Mummy, mummy! I have been such a good boy so I can have a muffin!"

    I was heartbroken for him when there weren't any as he thought it meant he didn't deserve a reward after all - things are set in stone for him.

    You really do never know someone's circumstances, or what went on before or after. Great post.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Definitely. Or that child that looks like they are having a spoiled strop may actually be autistic and either can't cope with the sensory input from the room, or something has deviated from their expectations. I once promised E a chocolate muffin for being good while a had his hair cut. A fairly rare treat. The coffee shop we go to had never not had muffins before but this time they didn't. He simply can't cope with things unexpected so it didn't matter that there were dozens of cakes to choose from, he was absolutely distraught but he was screaming 'No! Chocolate muffin!" At the top of his voice. He looked like a brat.

    But he had sat so, so quietly to have his hair cut (which he finds very distressing) and had been chatting so happily, so proud he was getting a reward.

    "Mummy, mummy! I have been such a good boy so I can have a muffin!"

    I was heartbroken for him when there weren't any as he thought it meant he didn't deserve a reward after all - things are set in stone for him.

    You really do never know someone's circumstances, or what went on before or after. Great post.

    ReplyDelete

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